Malibu moments.

Rock bottom-or thereabouts…

sempreridendo — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 13:09:42 +0000

Well, its been a while since i last posted.
Alot of things have happened since then, not too sure if i'll blog about everything.
But if i'm going to, it probably will be over a few posts.

I've been sick for the last week, with sinusitis and tonsillitis. The Doc says there's a possibility i've got Glandular Fever again! I've been taking a course of antibiotics, and have just found out that i need to take another course of it. And currently going thru detox. No alcohol for the next couple weeks at least, and on a currently trying to stick to a diet.
I've been so bad to myself in the last few months. Drinking alcohol excessively, and eating junk food whenever i'm out (which has been heaps).

I also met Waza, well, technically i went over to his place, and slept with him.
It was a first time for me in so many ways.
Here's some of the few:
-First time sober sex.
-First real orgasm with someone i've had peneration sex with.
-Meeting someone off the net, and having sex with him.

I dont know how i'm feeling about this.
We're still talking, but not as much as we used to. It feels a bit awkward and stilted whenever we do-and these days its via text messages, cuz he's been sick as well. I probably gave it to him, or vice versa. We havent talked about what happened when i was at his place. Basically we've agreed that we still want to keep talking to each other, but as for seeing each other again-who knows. He's going through a rough patch as well.
I miss him, or maybe, i actually miss what we used to have.
My friends think I'm falling for him. I dont know if i am-i certainly like him more now. But then again, maybe its just cuz i pretty much lost my soberiety virginity (is that the right word?!) to him.

How did i meet/start talking to Waza? Thats a whole another post.
I'm feeling worn out, and exhausted right now.

Thoughtful

sempreridendo — Sun, 28 May 2006 04:06:11 +0000

Hmm, its been a quiet sort of weekend (its not exactly over yet).
Well, quieter than the weekends i've had in recent months. And alot less alcohol intake as well!
Not complaining here, since i need to cut down on drinking.I finally got to meet Steve-a guy i've been talking to online for the last couple months, last night. We watched a dvd at his place. Was a very quiet kind of night. I didnt feel awkward or anything, but i think he did. I just felt a bit uncomfortable, maybe thats because i've used alcohol as a handle for so long, that i think i need it to be outgoing/confident.

I think i've got a tendency to be attracted to guys thats emotionally damaged at the beginning of the friendship. Because i want to be the one who rescues them (in a fucked up way).
Why do i say this?
I was attracted to Steve before i found out more about him, and whats going on with him.
I still think he's a great guy, but dont see him in that way (which is a relief, its only going to end in heartbreak if i did lol).
I think i'll have to keep this topic for a whole another post (cuz i've a feeling i've got a lot to say about it).

After meeting Steve, i was supposed to be meeting Waza-for a booty call of a sort.
I've been talking to him for the last 3 months or so, after meeting him at a function night, held by this website we're members on. We've arranged to meet up so many times, but i seem to cancel on him all the time.
I canceled on him last night, because i was tired, and i wasnt in the mood for sex-for once! AND I'm still unsure what he wants from me. I think, in a way, i knew he wanted something more permanent. Thats what i'm unsure about. I dunno how i knew about this, because we had a conversation about what we wanted a couple weeks ago. We agreed that we wanted friendship first, and if there was chemistry we'd go from there (obviously there is).
We kind of had an argument, via text messages after i canceled on him. In one of the messages he told me that he wanted a relationship happening, that he didnt just want sex.
I dont know how i feel about it, cuz i went from wanting a relationship to recently deciding i wanted to have fun.
I'm still wanting to have fun, but at the same time, i dont want to be TOO tied down.
Now he's not wanting to talk to me. I hope i havent lost a friend just because of this.
I've sent him a couple text messages, and he's not responsing to them.
Bleh!

I'll write more next time.
I have to shower, and get ready-I'm meeting Dave soon. Then we're picking Daytona up from the airport, and checking out the Market (a gay club) tonight ;o) Now, thats a whole another post too. Lol!

Psychobabble

sempreridendo — Mon, 22 May 2006 15:06:13 +0000

Well, here i am, after 2 failed blogs- UniqueLaughter & UniquelyOurs. Probably cuz i've always written in them when i had problems, and then it became too personal.

I've always loved writing, and i always have so much to say.
Hoping this blog will show another side of me the other blogs havent showed.

~*A*~